Raven's IC contact (Adstringendum)

[feel_nevermore]

Hi. This is Raven.

If you've really got something important to say, just drop your message here.

If not... please avoid wasting both your time and mine. Beep!

Comments

[feel_nevermore]

...Eventually, yes. [He had to be pretty persistent, though.]

He told me he wasn't angry. He... apologized.

[whatwas]

[He apologized? Horst raises his eyebrows but doesn't ask. He's spoken to Alex briefly and he's not very surprised.]

What did you tell him?

[feel_nevermore]

At first I got, well, upset. Because he's the one who had to pay a death price. So I didn't understand why he would be the one apologizing to me.

[whatwas]

Do you understand now?

[feel_nevermore]

[She nods.] He does not regret asking me to bring him back if he ever lost himself... But when he did, he hadn't thought I might ever have to kill him to do so. He apologized because he felt guilty for the... 'negative emotions'... [Pain, grief, guilt.] I had felt because of him.

[whatwas]

I spoke to him a few days ago. Not about much...he seems like a good man. Someone with good judgment. Now I know it's because of his empathic abilities. If he still likes you--well he probably sees something very good in you.

[feel_nevermore]

He is. And his judgement does not only comes from his empathic abilities. He's a sensitive and sensible person. [And she cares about him a lot. Because they're so much a like. Just like Killua before him, Alex has become like a little brother to Raven.]

I... don't know what he sees in me. But I'm grateful he came to see me. [Because she realizes now how stupid of her it had been to try and stay away from him after he was brought back. She was only hurting the both of them.]

[whatwas]

[He nods, glad--even proud of her--for how she's handling this.]

How does he handle so many negative emotions?

[feel_nevermore]

Well I guess it's like me when I take pain from people. As long as he controls the process and doesn't accumulate too many of them inside of him, it's fine.

Negative emotions make his Shadow stronger, just like they fuel my demon side and make me more susceptible to evil. But the difference is that Alex can't survive for too long without others' negative emotions. That's what makes it tricky.

[whatwas]

In this place I'm surprised he hasn't overdosed. [That's not cynicism, so much as respect. That's a very fine balance to walk in a place where nearly everyone is homesick or terrified or grieving.]

[feel_nevermore]

Well actually... he has. Once. I mean his Shadow took over and I had to fight him. [Though she managed not to kill him back them.]

I'm teaching him meditation. We meet almost every day. It seems to help. [At least that's what Alex says.]

[whatwas]

Does it help you? [With the guilt, he means. Guilt can eat you alive.]

[feel_nevermore]

[She quirks a quizzical eyebrow, not sure what he means. But after a few seconds, she realizes what he's asking and she shrugs.] I guess it does... to some extent. Meditation is my refuge. It's always been. [Though not as much as she would have liked it too.] But I think in this particular case, talking with you helped me more.

[whatwas]

[It surprises him that she says it. She's such an independent person, there are times he wonders how he helps her--he knows he does, or they wouldn't be as close as they are, but it's hard to picture her faced with a problem she can't tackle.]

I'm glad. ...My ego loves you tonight, Spatzi. [He winks, but his smile is very warm and intimate.]

[feel_nevermore]

[Raven snorts softly at that.] Let it love me tonight. It can go back to hating me again tomorrow.

[She kisses his cheek gently.] Thank you.

[whatwas]

[He grins] You'll have to knock it down twice as hard tomorrow.

[feel_nevermore]

Most likely, yeah. But I'm willing to take the risk.

...Hopefully I'll manage to get some sleep before that. [That would be an improvement compared to the past few days, too.]

[whatwas]

Do you think I could help you sleep? [...that didn't come out quite the way he intended, but he gives her a wicked grin at first anyway.]

I mean, with my powers.

[feel_nevermore]

[Raven looks back at him evenly, her look quite serious all of a sudden.] I told you helped me a lot already and I meant it. I don't think your powers could do much more right now.

[whatwas]

[He nods, watching her intently even so. He wants to help, and keep helping, but he's so limited in what he can do and he's still getting used to that.]

[feel_nevermore]

[She can tell that's how he feels. Because she knows him, feels how he feels deep inside of her. And also because feeling helpless is one the worst feelings she knows. And she doesn't want him to feel that way when he's doing so much more for her than he knows.]

There's still something you can do.

Lay down with me and hold me while I sleep. Maybe your presence will keep the nightmares at bay.

[whatwas]

[He straightens up, reassured, smiling again.]

Gladly. You should eat first, though.

[feel_nevermore]

I'm not... [She stops mid-sentence and sighs. She remembers Horst has a lot of experience with successfully making the most reluctant people eat. People such as Johannes for instance. So for once, she prefers to give in right away. It's yet another proof of how tired she is. But at least she still knows to choose her battles.]

Okay, let's eat. What did you cook?

[whatwas]

Fish. Fileted, and cooked with a few dried herbs I scared up from one of our neighbors.

[A blessedly light meal; now that he knows why she's so stressed, he thinks his first choice of meal--steak--would have been too heavy for her.]

[feel_nevermore]

[As long as it's not 'fake meat', aka tofu, Raven would not have protested.]

And here I though you could only cook pancakes... Looks like you're a fine cook, after all.

[Which is just as well given Raven's own cooking skills. She's improved a lot over the past two years, thanks to Alice, Hinata and Hermione. And she's become good at making cookies and pizzas but she's still far from being a chef.]